omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
