It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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