Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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