Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
