i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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