She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
