My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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