my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
