worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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