"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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