Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
