Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
