Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
