Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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