You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
