Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
