this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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