there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
