I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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