watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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