I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
