I'm really into asian looking animals
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
