she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
