i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
