gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
