Ambien. No doubt about it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My pussy is not your playground.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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