We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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