My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
