you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
