I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
