I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
