If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
