I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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