Swine flu. Run for my life!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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