If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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