Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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