just come out here and I will go home with you...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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