I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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