Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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