How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
