Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
