i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
