Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
