I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
