He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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