Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
