dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
