epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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