I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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