I cannot find my penis.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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