11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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