Don't make out with my wife yet
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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