you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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