kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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