Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
