No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
